Archive for April, 2012


Thoughts from dating….

Are there any decent, “normal” guys left out there? That can appreciate a curvy, intellectual, humorous woman? Who are not just looking to jump into ANY and as MANY beds as possible? That RESPECT women and don’t just view us as sexual objects? Hello, are you out there? Can you hear me?

I mean, come on guys, are there any that haven’t bought into this fake image of a photo-shopped, air brushed, malnutrition-ed, entertainment perpetuated woman? It seems as though there are not!

Are there guys out there that just respect a woman, that are not intimidated by intelligence? Confidence?

Or am I just a magnet for those that can’t see the nose despite their face? Am I wearing some large neon sign that flashes bright lights and reads “HEY, ASSHOLES AND DOUCHE BAGS WELCOME”? Because I’m here to tell you, you are NOT welcome! Not even slightly! And I will quickly tell you to take a long walk off a short and very high cliff!

I’d just like to know, at what point did so many men decide it is okay to do or say anything to get in a girls pants? Do you all not live in the same reality that I do?

The one where sexually transmitted diseases KILL! And unwanted pregnancies, unwanted BABIES are countless in every state?

As if there are not enough women out there that will freely give away their goodies at the first smile and “what’s up baby”.

Is it about the “game”? Is it about feeling triumphant, victorious even, for breaking down a woman’s guards and actually convincing her, to “trust” them….all in the name of getting some vajayjay!

Let me add that I’ve even encountered those that are “church” goers, who also use this “religion” facade in an attempt to gain brownie points! I’m here to tell you, in my opinion and experience, those are the worst offenders! And I’m far from over even sharing oxygen with those that fit this profile!

I’m not against everyone being consenting and responsible adults! I honestly believe us women have just as much right to sleep with whomever we want, IF we want. I don’t believe in that double standard bullshit that a guy is a stud if he sleeps around but a chic is a “slut” when she does it! I would just like to know, straight up, what your intentions are and be a willing party if I so choose to be!

The key words though are “consenting” and “responsible” and neither of which are an option is one party is lying just to get laid! And I haven’t even touched on the emotional repercussions involved! I’ll save that for another post.

Don’t get me wrong, I realize there are some really great guys out there! But being a single lady….who dates, it just amazes me just how many men are preying on women these days as well as expecting every woman to look like some barbie or cover girl model!

I hate to tell you guys, but real women come in all shapes, sizes, shades and some of us are pretty damn intelligent! You’re missing out!

Breathe

I cant breathe
No air
Im drowning
No air
Fighting
No air
Crying
No air
Hurting
No air
Sobbing
No air
Screaming
No air
Dying
No air
Stillness
No air

Screaming, madness, hatred, violent…..

Quite….

Silence, sanity, apathy, kindness…

Quite…

Crashing, thrashing, shaking, pounding….

Quite….

Stillness, surrender, tranquil, stroking….

Quite….

Racing, banging, choking….pulsing…..

Quite

Careful

I know it may not seem so but I am fragile. I’m as soft as a lily and tender as the water colored sky.

I realize I put up a good front. My skill in deception in that can not be met.

It may not be obvious but, I’m as delicate as I am strong.

It my be hard to believe but, just as the ancient willows and oak trees my armor give way.

Be gentle my sweet, handle with care. For my strength can be broken and my charity lost.

They say what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, but what of the one that doesn’t make you stronger but instead kills you.

Why is it that guys don’t get how gay they sound while playing video games like xbox with their friends. And please know when I say gay I don’t mean there is anything wrong with being gay, hell I’m all for everyone being free to love who they want! I wouldn’t even begin to try and categorize myself, I find men and women attractive, so whateve.

Anyhow, back to the topic at hand. So even though I think they would all probably kill me for using them as my example here, I took the opportunity to record the males that are always in my house playing xbox.

And let me add that it occurs to me if I simply posted the sound to this without any commentary I’m pretty certain people would assume this was gay porn in the making! Well to be honest they were playing UCF and that is pretty gay! lolz

Anyway, the great thing about my house and these goofy guys is there is always something I can use when my creativity is not so flowy! 🙂 Yes, I just said “flowy”, and what??!!

Well, I won’t keep you in suspense any longer…here is the recording I took of the gay porn…I mean UCF game-age going on in the next rooms! Although the second room I’m pretty sure they were playing Halo. Which was far less gay pornish, arguably! lol

UCF XboX = Gay Porn???

Quickie

Ok so the title is sort of misleading….but intended to be so. 😛 I just decided since I am so freaking behind on actually publishing my BEDA, some by pure laziness, and others thanks to stupid mother nature and her PMSing ass sending tornado’s to our supposed “safe” and “protected” town!


I decided to at least post a quick entry to update and tease….hey, I’m a chic that’s what we do, get over it! ;P
I’m actually working on a few different posts right now, but I have had a few distractions called ADD and LIFE! So, they’ve been a bit challenging.
Also, I am bouncing around some ideas to liven up things with my blog and hopefully be A LOT more entertaining as well as thought provoking.
Of course I have to have fun with it or my ADD will cause me to just abandon it all together! The trouble with ADD is that I always have a million things not only going on in my thought process but a million and 1 going on in the physical! It gets pretty tiring but again I’m a chic so I’m awesome at multi- tasking! hahaha
But also, honestly…not to toot my own horn or anything but I am nothing short of AMAZING! Hell, I’m a Goddess!
Well, that’s it for my “quickie” I’m off to push some of this shit to completion so I can focus on the next as well as the upcoming project!
Bessitos

Lessons

I’m gonna make you miss me….. Wish you never left me….

I’m gonna make you want me….. regret all the times you beset me….

I’m gonna make you hunger me….. impossible to forget me…

I’m gonna make you thirst me…. no where to escape me….

You thought I’d stay down forever, never! You thought I’d never make it, mistake it! You mistook me for a toy, kill  joy.

Now I’m on a roll, the music alive in my soul. Now I’m running free, nothing but god can stop me. Now I’m believing, ready to start reaching.

Open my mouth, begin teaching. You should have had patience, you should have kept focus. Actions, making the difference.

Soon you’ll regret it, don’t you fret it….

I’m gonna make you miss me….. Wish you never left me….

I’m gonna make you want me….. regret all the times you beset me….

I’m gonna make you hunger me….. impossible to forget me…

I’m gonna make you thirst me…. no where to escape me….

Vagina Hunters

Why on earth are so many people I’ve never met so obsessed with my vagina? I mean really, seriously……

Where were you when I was an innocent little girl and those that were intrusted to love me, took that “love” too far and their thoughts and desires were of my vagina?

Where were you when I was in middle school and I started my period but had no clue what that meant and I thought I was dying and that my vagina was broken?

Where where you when I was in high school and the boys would say anything to get me to let them “in” my vagina?

Where where you when I was alone, trying to survive on my own and men who were old enough to be my father would attempt to “groom” me in order to gain my trust, so they could make money off my vagina?

Where were you then?

Where were you when I was 17 and believed a man who was 22 when he said he loved me and would “save” me….only to impregnate me then use the system to strip me of the only things that kept me alive, the children I carried and brought into this life from my vagina?

Where are you when men lie to me and tell me I’m the only one they will ever love, when they tell me they have never “felt” this way about anyone, ever, in an attempt to make me and my vagina just another notch on their bed post?

Where are you?

I know where, and so does everyone else…but we will save that for another post!

My vagina wasn’t your concern then, maybe it should have been! But in NONE of the ways you are trying to make it now!

Get, and KEEP…. your dirty, sanctimonious, self-righteous, holy rollin hands, minds and bibles out of my vagina!

I don’t need you’re regulation, your persecution, your condemnation, your humiliation! I’ve experienced more than enough of that, before my vagina….and my uterus became your “cause”!

If I want you in my vagina, I promise… I’ll invite you in!

Jabee “Catch That Feeling”.  Jabee not only “Catches That Feeling” but he Live’s in it! I am loving this cut! Play it, Share it!

So the city I live in…Norman, Oklahoma was said to not ever get hit by tornado’s. When we moved here back in 2005 until now I’ve always been told these crazy tales, perhaps intended to instill security and comfort that we wouldn’t ever be hit by a tornado. Unfortunately these types of fallacies and fish tales are all too often rebutted by nature itself!

I had heard them all…that, Norman is on some “Indian burial grounds”, that we are on some fault line that repels tornado’s, and of course that we are or aren’t in a valley which causes the cells to not form or prevents them from hitting us! Well I’m here to tell you that on April 13, 2012 at least 1 tornado set down in the MIDDLE of Norman, within 3 blocks of my house it touched down and tore shit up! It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I’ve sat out hurricanes and tropical storms and still never in my life been so scared!

So much for fish tales and ancient protections! The true fact is that nature is unpredictable! Anything is possible and no where is truly safe! When it is time, it is time! No matter how much or how many people are “praying” you can not change what is “meant to be”!  And although I was terrified and wanted to do all I could to protect my children and my fur/feather/scaled babies, I knew in my soul that no matter what, I had zero control over what was meant to be! And it reminded me to love them all a little bit harder, to hold them a little be closer and to show my undying thanks that I have them now, so  when it IS my time or theirs I will know, we will know that everyday we had together was cherished and will be for always and forever!

 

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