Category: Life

The REAL issues are ignored

People, People,  PLEASE stop with the “comparing” and “correlations” between monsters/killers! Realize GUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE! Stupid, rage filled, maniac’s KILL people! They could have done it with a knife, a bomb, a blunt object, a crossbow…. or countless other ways! It’s not our “right to bare arms” that needs to be changed, it’s MUCH, MUCH deeper than that!

It’s our parenting or lack there of (tell your child NO sometimes! Stop letting them THINK they are the parent! Stop being AFRAID to DISCIPLINE out of fear of DHS! No child ever DIED from crying and there is a CLEAR LINE between DISCIPLINE and ABUSE, STOP being you kids FRIEND! YOU are their PARENT FIRST! Take a freaking PARENTING CLASS for damn sake!

Our lack of tolerance, our governments control of prosperity, our total failure as a NATION to stand TOGETHER and DEMAND better for those of us who WORK at LIFE….the COMMON people! Our complete abandonment of EMPATHY!

And, the mass concentration on a contradictory, egomaniacal and irrational, not to mention nonsensical belief system! Ugh, but I know you don’t hear me! I’m simply a voice in the middle of a massive, raging ocean!

But I will say this, if someone breaks into your home in the middle of the night, has a weapon and is a threat of harm to your child/ren or partner….don’t you want to be ABLE to own a weapon that just might save all of your lives? Since of course, no one is really looking to “FIX” the REAL problems of our country!?

 I know I do….if someone broke into my home and was a threat to my life or that of MY CHILDREN, I definitely want to continue to lawfully own a gun for their protection as well as my own! And there is not a damn thing wrong with a person protecting their family, life, home or business!

A gun in a drawer can’t KILL anyone! But ANY weapon in the hands of a lunatic can! Maybe we should be focused on the process’s involved in applying for a gun licence, like an IQ or stability test, safety classes, anger management classes. There truly are other very good options that could be implemented!

Let’s actually focus on that, rather than what we have been focusing on!


Fourth of July

As I sat this evening watching our towns fireworks display with my 3 yr old son Ej.   I found myself reflecting on so many aspects of my life and what life is to me. It’s sort of funny because on many levels I hate all holiday’s for one reason or another and for that simple fact, I had no problem pretty much making them non existent in my world. I don’t know if that bothers my older kids, I guess maybe I should ask. But now that I have Ej, I have to be honest in saying that, with my recent acceptance of all things Mari I am, on some level “okay” with allowing bits of the celebratory things “in” just for the memories! Don’t get me wrong, I still hate  pretty much all of them and wish they weren’t so “forced” upon EVERYONE! But, after being stripped of my older children by a bitter, angry, lying and manipulative ex and losing half their lives, milestones and memories….now that I have the little one I find myself cherishing every single second chance.

As for the 4th of July, I found that a I have only a few memories. From the time I was 7 yrs old until I was 12 I flew to see my dad and spent the summers with him. I loved those times, I remember us driving around and going to the firework stands and him letting me pick out what seemed to me to be A LOT of fireworks. Then us going back to his townhouse and watching him bustle around the grill on the back porch and in the kitchen prepping the meat about to go on the grill. I recall a few of his close friends or girlfriend being there and then as the night grew dark my dad lighting the fireworks. I would beg and plead for him to let me light some but he was always cautious about my safety, but of course he’d pull out the sparklers and that always made me happy.

Honestly, I have no other memories of celebrating the 4th from my childhood. I find that a little bit strange. I’m not sure why, but it kind of bothers me. I guess because around the time I turned 13 my mom sent me to live with my dad and after about 8 months I went back to my mother. And after that, my dad pretty much stopped all contact with me. I only saw him once after that while I was a teen and have only seen him maybe 3 times for less than an hour each time since then. My life probably would have been A LOT better and completely DIFFERENT had I just stayed there with him. But what did I know, I was a 13 yr old who had been abused and felt terrified of change!

Anyhow, the other thing I found myself reflecting on was the music that was playing during this years display; “Star Spangled Banner” well at least the first song and truly the only one I actually heard. Anyway, it’s funny because as I was growing up I remember having so much love, respect and PRIDE in our country! I know 100% what the 4th is a celebration of. Growing up my “step-dad” was Air-force and then I married a Sailor, even though I SHOULD have joined the Air-force instead, but I digress! I love and respect our soldiers! If it weren’t for them we would not have the precious freedoms we have and enjoy today. The very ones our government is slowly stripping us of but again, another story.

As the Star Spangled Banner played, tears started to well up in my eyes. Partly because I AM proud and thankful, because I know that this is a great country. Despite the pitiful  excuses for human beings we have elected that are desecrating our constitution ever so slowly with the help of the  unwitting AND witting!  Because I do know and understand there are still countries whose people would give anything to have half the luxuries that we take for granted every day! Because I see things the way they truly are, without the rose colored glasses. Because I truly am the 99%, because I wasn’t born with a silver spoon or a rich daddy or a trust-fund! Instead I was born to an immigrant mother who came here with a dream, and a dad who checked out when I needed a dad the most. And now, I have 2 grown sons, 2 near grown daughters and my Ej….

Who also don’t have any of the aforementioned luxuries that 2% of Americans have, I am disabled by Rheumatoid Arthritis, I fight it as best as I can. It’s always seemed that I’ve had this black cloud that just follows me where ever I go, it doesn’t matter how good of a person I am, it doesn’t matter that I have a heart of gold, that I’d give my last to save someone else. It doesn’t matter that even through all the crappy things that have happened in my life I didn’t end up a drug addict/prostitute/murderer or what have you. I did the complete opposite, I didn’t do drugs, kill people or rob banks! I went to school and tried to raise my children, to be good loving, productive, respectful PEOPLE! But tonight, I found myself reflecting on… “what will they get”? “what will they inherit”? “what will their children inherit”?…..”if everyone just keeps on this path of blame the other guy” and “micromanage our neighbor” attitudes, dear heavens what will they get? I can tell you, I’m terrified of the answers that come to mind. I don’t know what I can do to change any of it, but I can do something to help change it or at least die trying! But that’s what I came to conclude this 4th of July, that I do love my freedoms and my children’s FUTURES enough to want to DO something to help make a difference! I hope you do too!

Happy 4th  and a HUGE THANK YOU TO ALL OUR SERVICE MEN AND WOMEN out there! I love you all and respect you for giving so much for those of us who you have and will probably never met! And of course to those that have lost their lives fighting for us and their loved ones as well! You are missed and loved! ❤

Love, peace and Freedom!

Good Night…..



It’s so easy to think we know it all, understand everything, have it all figured out. Then we blink…. and 5, 8, 10 years later, we look back and realize everything we thought we knew then….looks so different now. Has a whole new meaning, outcome or answer. Life is funny that way.


Obama and Conspiracy Theories

So last night,  my dad (who hates Obama I might add…*no comment*) says “did you know Obama is Bi” *let me add, this ‘discussion’ steamed from the anti-gay marriage bs in the news* so my reply was “No, I didn’t…but if he is, OKAY…who cares, what’s your point”? So anyhow, I was just “researching” this little/HUGE RUMOR and so far all I’ve come up with is some ridiculous conspiracy theory because 2 people in CHICAGO were “shot execution style” that at some point knew Obama (Dude, I’m from Chicago! Does the words GANGS AND DRUGS mean anything to you?) and A… *YES ONE*, pic of Obama sitting on a couch next to another man… I’m sorry I wasn’t aware that sitting on a couch next to someone of the same sex makes you gay, FUCK I’ve been GAY FOR LIKE FOREVER THEN! smh, aye…I’m gonna have to blog this shit tomorrow, I just have too much to say about it! I’m not a huge Obama “fan” but come on, let’s stop with the bullshit!

The more I think about this, the more annoyed I get about it! Now, first of all let me just say, if you haven’t figured it out yet… I am 100% PRO GLBT, I think anyone should be FREE to love and marry whomever they want as long as it is 2 CONSENTING,  LEGAL, ADULT, HUMANS!  And I might add it is sad that anyone has brought such stupid and ridiculous claims and arguments into this subject that it is even necessary to be so SPECIFIC and have to spell it out! I mean I saw the coverage of the fucking idiot Dr. Daniel Heimbech of the Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary saying that “if we legalize gay marriage people will think it’s okay to marry their dog or an ice cream cone”, I mean REALLY? FUCKING REALLY? Seriously… don’t get me wrong, I know oh too well how fucking stupid our country has become, hell I watch “FAUX NEWS” at times just like everyone else! And let’s not forget reality TV like oh I dunno “Jersey Shore”! But I’m pretty certain that most of us NORMAL or even semi-normal people of America can grasp the concept that while it’s OKAY for 2 men or 2 women to love each other and enter into a LEGAL and CONSENSUAL RELATIONSHIP, IE MARRIAGE it is NOT OKAY for Jim Bob to sexually assault his goat and/or marry it!  I mean seriously if this is what this country has really come to then we are in a shit load more trouble than anyone cares to admit! And I’ve also heard about some freaking idiot (I think in Cali.) who claims because him and his UNDERAGE lover are gay it somehow makes it NOT pedophilia and ILLEGAL! Ummm hey buddy, gay or straight having SEX with a MINOR is sick and ILLEGAL!

Okay, back to the Obama drama. Now like I said earlier, 2 men who supposedly knew Pres. Obama were said to have been murdered, execution style….and it is ‘RUMORED’ that supposedly they may have been killed to “keep the secret” from being leaked. I might add that it is kind of funny to me that the original “story” was picked up by none other than gossip rag “THE GLOBE”! Which first and foremost makes me disbelieve the entire story from jump! But lets just delve into it shall we…1st of all were talking about Chicago! And I am from Chicago, I can tell you first had stories about growing up in the city, the gangs the drugs. So, ANYONE being killed execution style is definitely not a RARE occurrence by far! And I won’t even get into any race statistic’s here!

Now 2nd if we are gonna talk conspiracy theories, let’s take it the whole other direction! So we already know how corrupt our political system is, we already know there are some who despise Barak Obama and would do anything to ruin him… what IF, those people tried to pay or force/blackmail those 2 men… but they refused, and because they refused they executed them and then started this story/rumor of how the President had “gay” secret relationships and isn’t is “funny” how now those men are now dead? (I think this is about is far fetched as the original story, either could be true as much as neither could be true!) Oh and I might add here that supposedly there was a 3rd man involved in all of this but he supposedly died of complications of HIV. I intentionally didn’t involve the 3rd because there is just no “conspiracy” story that can be argued in his case, I mean I’m sure my very vivid imagination could come up with a very colorful story but it would really be pointless.

And lastly we have this provocative picture of a younger Obama sitting next to …..another man….on a couch! Holy shit! Wait, of course they are naked, wait no they aren’t! Of course they are holding hands, NOPE….kissing? NEGATIVE! So, ummm it’s just a pic of 2 guys sitting on a couch? YEP! Shit, I always knew I was gay! Geez, I wish I would have known sooner that sitting next to the same sex person on a couch makes you GAY! I could have avoided 1 HORRIBLE marriage and countless failed relationships with MEN! WTF!!! Hey, I’m gonna need you people out there to let me know the rules of life here, because obviously I am completely fucking oblivious!

I honestly just find this whole discussion absurd as hell! Why on earth does anyone care who Obama, or anyone else for that matter is sleeping with? Gay, Bi or Straight??? How does this affect or effect YOUR LIVES? Simple, IT DOESN’T! And furthermore, for those who like to drag their religion into it and refer to “the bible”….SO FUCKING WHAT…. again I ask, how does it affect or effect YOU PERSONALLY? Let’s just say I’m gay, for the sake of argument, and I die tomorrow. I get to the pearly gates and behold, holy fucking shit there IS a “GOD” are YOU coming with me, are YOU gonna stand there and be judged over MY choices, MY “SIN”? No! You will still be here living your hypocritical, pathetic, condemning lives!

Thoughts from dating….

Are there any decent, “normal” guys left out there? That can appreciate a curvy, intellectual, humorous woman? Who are not just looking to jump into ANY and as MANY beds as possible? That RESPECT women and don’t just view us as sexual objects? Hello, are you out there? Can you hear me?

I mean, come on guys, are there any that haven’t bought into this fake image of a photo-shopped, air brushed, malnutrition-ed, entertainment perpetuated woman? It seems as though there are not!

Are there guys out there that just respect a woman, that are not intimidated by intelligence? Confidence?

Or am I just a magnet for those that can’t see the nose despite their face? Am I wearing some large neon sign that flashes bright lights and reads “HEY, ASSHOLES AND DOUCHE BAGS WELCOME”? Because I’m here to tell you, you are NOT welcome! Not even slightly! And I will quickly tell you to take a long walk off a short and very high cliff!

I’d just like to know, at what point did so many men decide it is okay to do or say anything to get in a girls pants? Do you all not live in the same reality that I do?

The one where sexually transmitted diseases KILL! And unwanted pregnancies, unwanted BABIES are countless in every state?

As if there are not enough women out there that will freely give away their goodies at the first smile and “what’s up baby”.

Is it about the “game”? Is it about feeling triumphant, victorious even, for breaking down a woman’s guards and actually convincing her, to “trust” them….all in the name of getting some vajayjay!

Let me add that I’ve even encountered those that are “church” goers, who also use this “religion” facade in an attempt to gain brownie points! I’m here to tell you, in my opinion and experience, those are the worst offenders! And I’m far from over even sharing oxygen with those that fit this profile!

I’m not against everyone being consenting and responsible adults! I honestly believe us women have just as much right to sleep with whomever we want, IF we want. I don’t believe in that double standard bullshit that a guy is a stud if he sleeps around but a chic is a “slut” when she does it! I would just like to know, straight up, what your intentions are and be a willing party if I so choose to be!

The key words though are “consenting” and “responsible” and neither of which are an option is one party is lying just to get laid! And I haven’t even touched on the emotional repercussions involved! I’ll save that for another post.

Don’t get me wrong, I realize there are some really great guys out there! But being a single lady….who dates, it just amazes me just how many men are preying on women these days as well as expecting every woman to look like some barbie or cover girl model!

I hate to tell you guys, but real women come in all shapes, sizes, shades and some of us are pretty damn intelligent! You’re missing out!

Twister Tales

So the city I live in…Norman, Oklahoma was said to not ever get hit by tornado’s. When we moved here back in 2005 until now I’ve always been told these crazy tales, perhaps intended to instill security and comfort that we wouldn’t ever be hit by a tornado. Unfortunately these types of fallacies and fish tales are all too often rebutted by nature itself!

I had heard them all…that, Norman is on some “Indian burial grounds”, that we are on some fault line that repels tornado’s, and of course that we are or aren’t in a valley which causes the cells to not form or prevents them from hitting us! Well I’m here to tell you that on April 13, 2012 at least 1 tornado set down in the MIDDLE of Norman, within 3 blocks of my house it touched down and tore shit up! It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I’ve sat out hurricanes and tropical storms and still never in my life been so scared!

So much for fish tales and ancient protections! The true fact is that nature is unpredictable! Anything is possible and no where is truly safe! When it is time, it is time! No matter how much or how many people are “praying” you can not change what is “meant to be”!  And although I was terrified and wanted to do all I could to protect my children and my fur/feather/scaled babies, I knew in my soul that no matter what, I had zero control over what was meant to be! And it reminded me to love them all a little bit harder, to hold them a little be closer and to show my undying thanks that I have them now, so  when it IS my time or theirs I will know, we will know that everyday we had together was cherished and will be for always and forever!


To me, anymore….sex, love and confusion go hand in hand! I’ve been single for 2 yrs now…no dating, no sex, no booty calls….nada! And, I’ve been happy! After an extremely treacherous and destructive relationship, I was broken and very nearly consumed within that relationship and when I walked away I had no desire at all to continue living or breathing, let alone trusting anyone ever again!

On some level I can say I still love that person, I gave my entire being to him, withheld nothing…which I had never done with another person.  Thus, I crawled into myself and focused on healing, learning and loving myself again. And I’m so thankful I did that!

I’ve grown so much, learned once again to love who I am, to realize it’s okay to express my thoughts, fears, anxiety’s and opinions. I learned to set higher standards, to rely on my past experiences to tip me off when things aren’t quite right. And I also realized that no one should invest their entire being in another imperfect being!

But now that I’ve come to this point, I find myself in a sea of confusion of sorts! I’ve attempted to “start dating” again… using the online dating sites, setting up profiles and just being honest and real. But for the most part I’m realizing people don’t like either! lol! Or maybe it’s just the types that are on those sites that don’t. But what I am getting at is, I’ve had zero luck really with any of the dating sites. And I must say, I’m not at all heart-broken or anything, I’m just humored.

If you have read my previous blogs, you’ve most likely read that I went on a date with a somewhat local “celeb” which was the result of a charity auction, he is a wonderful guy and we have become friends since our date!

I’ve also met someone from twitter that I connect with on an intellectual level and I wholeheartedly enjoy conversing with him! We have tons of things in common and have become fast friends, which is absolutely wonderful!

I always cherish true and amazing friendships!

But lets face it, I’m talking about Sex, love and confusion here! And it is said that women are “emotional” and men are “physical”…. and I’ve read so many psych books that say “us” women confuse sex and love….well, I can honestly say I don’t necessarily buy that shit! I don’t think we “confuse” it at all…I think when we have sex, we are “giving” ourselves to the man…(I do however realize there are women out there that don’t feel this way)… But as much as we don’t want to relate sex and love, for us it almost goes hand in hand. Or maybe for me, I don’t know.

When I “chose” to have sex with someone, it’s because I “feel” something (no pun intended) for that person. I’m drawn to them somehow. I wish very often I could change that and be more like a guy, to just not care if I “like” the person and simply DO it for my own gratification, to fill the urge of pleasure!

But no matter how much I try to convince myself that is what I will do from now on…it just doesn’t work that way! Instead, I want more! Not from someone else, but MORE of that person. My mind just relentlessly continues to reply the sexual encounter, and then triggers the desire, the need for more!

Then, is it just me that forms a bond with someone when sharing such a intimate, animalistic, carnal act with another human being! For me the basic act of having sex isn’t even an option  unless there is some form of trust and attraction! If I don’t trust you and I’m not attracted to you on some level, I’m NOT sleeping with you!

I don’t know, thus the confusion… Not to mention, part of me really wants to connect with someone and commit to a loving, healthy relationship! And the other part of me…the non-trusting, still bruised part of me…and okay maybe the freak in me too lol, wants to just have fun, to just satisfy my own selfish needs and desires!

But then of course you have the bullshit double standard that if a girl sleeps around she’s a slut but if a guy does it he’s a stud! Not that I’ve ever really cared what anyone thinks or says about me, but at this point in my life I feel like I’ve been the “good girl”…..the “relationship girl” all my life, maybe it’s time to just get my groove back!

I’m not saying I want to screw every guy I meet, but seriously….if there is chemistry and we are both responsible, consenting adults….why the hell not? Right?

I really have no idea!

I don’t consider this a “hate” crime as defined by law. However I DO believe George Zimmerman racially profiled Trayvon Martian and the only reason he focused on Trayvon  was because he was a black kid who “looked up to no good”. I also don’t believe George Zimmerman woke up that morning looking to kill “someone”…or a “coon”… which I think removes the 1st degree murder possibility. I do agree that the media, and the media whores have incited more racial animosity by their tactics! Now lets get him convicted, learn from this and start building a better future, for ourselves and our children! Don’t our kids have enough to deal with in our wake? Don’t they have enough to worry about being ridiculed about and picked on for? WE can change this, we can stop teaching them that the color of ones skin somehow determines someone’s worth, value or character!

Crazy Kid Convo

My 3 1/2 yr old is very bright, possible gifted. And very often we have some very colorful conversations, such as this one. But is also why I had to make a category dedicated to some of the priceless things he says. My hope is to start getting some of them on video to add here as well. I hope you all enjoy them as much as I do.

Elijah being Elijah!

Me: Don’t break that hot dog off the truck Elijah

Elijah: But I need to get it off there.

Me: No, you aren’t supposed to take it off.

Elijah: Yes, it is!

Me: No it is not, you’re supposed to use your imagination and play with the hot dog truck.

Elijah: Mommy, I don’t have imagination! Imagination is for girls and I’m a boy!

(By the way, we do not even say things like “that’s for boys” or “that’s for girls” we simply allow all toys to be ungender specific)

Me: What! You have a great imagination, you use it all the time!

Elijah: Mommy! No I Don’t! I don’t have an imagination, because imagination is for girls! I’m not talking to you anymore! This is ridiculous!

Me: (LMFAO) Ummm you’re not talking to me anymore?

Elijah: NO! It’s just ridiculous!

Me: Sigh, okay then…but imagination is when you pretend things and have fun and you do that all the time.

Elijah: It is….oooookay!

Worry over an infant in Wal-mart

So, I was in Walmart (I know, I know) but I had to get TP and Paper towels. Anyway, I was checking out when in the next check out lane was a lady I saw when I was walking through the store, she had 2 cute little Asian kids (maybe 6 and 10) and a little 1 mo old with her, the baby was crying which is what drew my attention to her at the registers, so I’m looking at the baby thinking “aww poor hungry boy” when then I swore the little 6 yr old girl pinches the shit out of the baby’s cheek and he cries louder! Now at first I thought “maybe I am seeing shit” so I keep watching and just as the baby’s cries start to die down, she strokes his little cheek softly, then rubs his head lightly and lightly makes way back down to his face, looks over at the lady who is now trying to pay and then she once more pinches the shit out of the baby and he starts screaming again, and I might add now had a very red area on his cheek where the girl pinched him! So I call to the lady and ask her to come over to me since I didn’t want to make a huge scene and tell her what I saw, she says thank you, moves the girl from the baby and whispers something, but all the while didn’t look appalled or pissed, just maybe frowning a bit. My worry is, what else is that child doing to that baby? And what should I do now? If anything…did I do all I could do? I honestly am worried over this baby now.

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