Tag Archive: relationships


The words I heard,…still resound like a gong,  they reverberate continuously through the hallways and tunnels in my mind….echoing and reminding me of his promise, “I can Teach you how to fly” sky high, to the heaves and then some those words take me.

Set me to longing, waiting, anticipating, for you….

To hear those words “I can teach you how to fly, sky high, sky high, I can teach you how to fly” those words, so promising, so sure.

I feel the confidence radiate from those words, I feed off your wisdom, I thirst for your guidance.

“Spread your wings and aim for the sky” you say like a melody that plays so symphonious and euphorically….

But here is where I stand, feet on the ledge, I need you, I need you to teach me, take my hand….pull me beneath your wings and teach me to fly, spread my wings and aim for the sky.

Together we will soar to new heights, new dreams, together we will view the entire universe,  when “you teach me how to fly, sky high, sky, high, spread your wings and aim for the sky” Together we will conquer the world from the heavenly sky.

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Wisdom

Love is over rated, fairy tales are books, life is a box of chocolates, live for today, u might not get tomorrow!

Thoughts from dating….

Are there any decent, “normal” guys left out there? That can appreciate a curvy, intellectual, humorous woman? Who are not just looking to jump into ANY and as MANY beds as possible? That RESPECT women and don’t just view us as sexual objects? Hello, are you out there? Can you hear me?

I mean, come on guys, are there any that haven’t bought into this fake image of a photo-shopped, air brushed, malnutrition-ed, entertainment perpetuated woman? It seems as though there are not!

Are there guys out there that just respect a woman, that are not intimidated by intelligence? Confidence?

Or am I just a magnet for those that can’t see the nose despite their face? Am I wearing some large neon sign that flashes bright lights and reads “HEY, ASSHOLES AND DOUCHE BAGS WELCOME”? Because I’m here to tell you, you are NOT welcome! Not even slightly! And I will quickly tell you to take a long walk off a short and very high cliff!

I’d just like to know, at what point did so many men decide it is okay to do or say anything to get in a girls pants? Do you all not live in the same reality that I do?

The one where sexually transmitted diseases KILL! And unwanted pregnancies, unwanted BABIES are countless in every state?

As if there are not enough women out there that will freely give away their goodies at the first smile and “what’s up baby”.

Is it about the “game”? Is it about feeling triumphant, victorious even, for breaking down a woman’s guards and actually convincing her, to “trust” them….all in the name of getting some vajayjay!

Let me add that I’ve even encountered those that are “church” goers, who also use this “religion” facade in an attempt to gain brownie points! I’m here to tell you, in my opinion and experience, those are the worst offenders! And I’m far from over even sharing oxygen with those that fit this profile!

I’m not against everyone being consenting and responsible adults! I honestly believe us women have just as much right to sleep with whomever we want, IF we want. I don’t believe in that double standard bullshit that a guy is a stud if he sleeps around but a chic is a “slut” when she does it! I would just like to know, straight up, what your intentions are and be a willing party if I so choose to be!

The key words though are “consenting” and “responsible” and neither of which are an option is one party is lying just to get laid! And I haven’t even touched on the emotional repercussions involved! I’ll save that for another post.

Don’t get me wrong, I realize there are some really great guys out there! But being a single lady….who dates, it just amazes me just how many men are preying on women these days as well as expecting every woman to look like some barbie or cover girl model!

I hate to tell you guys, but real women come in all shapes, sizes, shades and some of us are pretty damn intelligent! You’re missing out!

Breathe

I cant breathe
No air
Im drowning
No air
Fighting
No air
Crying
No air
Hurting
No air
Sobbing
No air
Screaming
No air
Dying
No air
Stillness
No air

To me, anymore….sex, love and confusion go hand in hand! I’ve been single for 2 yrs now…no dating, no sex, no booty calls….nada! And, I’ve been happy! After an extremely treacherous and destructive relationship, I was broken and very nearly consumed within that relationship and when I walked away I had no desire at all to continue living or breathing, let alone trusting anyone ever again!

On some level I can say I still love that person, I gave my entire being to him, withheld nothing…which I had never done with another person.  Thus, I crawled into myself and focused on healing, learning and loving myself again. And I’m so thankful I did that!

I’ve grown so much, learned once again to love who I am, to realize it’s okay to express my thoughts, fears, anxiety’s and opinions. I learned to set higher standards, to rely on my past experiences to tip me off when things aren’t quite right. And I also realized that no one should invest their entire being in another imperfect being!

But now that I’ve come to this point, I find myself in a sea of confusion of sorts! I’ve attempted to “start dating” again… using the online dating sites, setting up profiles and just being honest and real. But for the most part I’m realizing people don’t like either! lol! Or maybe it’s just the types that are on those sites that don’t. But what I am getting at is, I’ve had zero luck really with any of the dating sites. And I must say, I’m not at all heart-broken or anything, I’m just humored.

If you have read my previous blogs, you’ve most likely read that I went on a date with a somewhat local “celeb” which was the result of a charity auction, he is a wonderful guy and we have become friends since our date!

I’ve also met someone from twitter that I connect with on an intellectual level and I wholeheartedly enjoy conversing with him! We have tons of things in common and have become fast friends, which is absolutely wonderful!

I always cherish true and amazing friendships!

But lets face it, I’m talking about Sex, love and confusion here! And it is said that women are “emotional” and men are “physical”…. and I’ve read so many psych books that say “us” women confuse sex and love….well, I can honestly say I don’t necessarily buy that shit! I don’t think we “confuse” it at all…I think when we have sex, we are “giving” ourselves to the man…(I do however realize there are women out there that don’t feel this way)… But as much as we don’t want to relate sex and love, for us it almost goes hand in hand. Or maybe for me, I don’t know.

When I “chose” to have sex with someone, it’s because I “feel” something (no pun intended) for that person. I’m drawn to them somehow. I wish very often I could change that and be more like a guy, to just not care if I “like” the person and simply DO it for my own gratification, to fill the urge of pleasure!

But no matter how much I try to convince myself that is what I will do from now on…it just doesn’t work that way! Instead, I want more! Not from someone else, but MORE of that person. My mind just relentlessly continues to reply the sexual encounter, and then triggers the desire, the need for more!

Then, is it just me that forms a bond with someone when sharing such a intimate, animalistic, carnal act with another human being! For me the basic act of having sex isn’t even an option  unless there is some form of trust and attraction! If I don’t trust you and I’m not attracted to you on some level, I’m NOT sleeping with you!

I don’t know, thus the confusion… Not to mention, part of me really wants to connect with someone and commit to a loving, healthy relationship! And the other part of me…the non-trusting, still bruised part of me…and okay maybe the freak in me too lol, wants to just have fun, to just satisfy my own selfish needs and desires!

But then of course you have the bullshit double standard that if a girl sleeps around she’s a slut but if a guy does it he’s a stud! Not that I’ve ever really cared what anyone thinks or says about me, but at this point in my life I feel like I’ve been the “good girl”…..the “relationship girl” all my life, maybe it’s time to just get my groove back!

I’m not saying I want to screw every guy I meet, but seriously….if there is chemistry and we are both responsible, consenting adults….why the hell not? Right?

I really have no idea!

Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing wrong, I over think things. I super analyze and misinterpret! I over indulge, I want too much, I need to hard, I expect it all…. am disappointed with what I get.

Maybe, I’m just like everyone else. Only I admit I do these things. Even if it screw everything up. Even if it cause the opposite reaction that I expect.

Sometimes I wonder, what can I do to make it all right. But alas I find myself in the same vicious cycle, over thinking, super analyzing, misinterpreting, over indulging…..

Wanting too much, needing too hard, expecting it all and disappointed in the end.

Maybe, I’m just like everyone else. Denying I’m to blame. Making it everyone’s fault but my own. Even if my over thinking, super analyzing, misinterpreting, over indulgence…..

My wanting too much, needing too hard and expecting it all only to be disappointed with the outcome, is the beginning and the end….

I want to wear your essence like a coat on a winters day
I want to breathe your energy like a flower takes in the rain
I want to hear your soul like a bird rides the wind
I want to taste your presense like an ocean devours the sands.

Still a work in progress…

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